Then…
1.
I’m driving on an unfamiliar road in the middle of the day. The windows are rolled down, and I can feel the warm summer breeze blowing across my face. Abruptly, something happens, and I can no longer see where I am going. Darkness had obscured my vision, and I was suddenly plunged into a black abyss. Terrified, I cried out and tried to pull the car off the road and stop. I can’t see anything, and I panic. I know I will crash the car, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot make my eyes work.
I am blind.
Suddenly, I’m ripped from sleep, wake up sweaty and breathing heavily. A dream. Haha! It was a dream! I wait for my sleepy eyes to adjust to the darkness and realize I can still see. I have not been suddenly struck by blindness. It was only a dream. Vivid and unshakable, but only a dream.
Strangely, I would continue to have that dream, off and on throughout the years, as it plagued me. For some reason, I was usually either driving or in some state of peril where I desperately needed my eyes to stay in control. I would always wake up at the last possible second, right before disaster struck before I crashed the car or unintentionally walked off a cliff.
Then, one hot, dry afternoon in May, in the gleaming desert brightness of Las Vegas, my dream merged with my reality.
A few major components separated my dream from my real life. I was not the one suddenly struck by blindness.
And it was no longer a dream. It had become a nightmare because it happened to my daughter.
My beautiful baby girl Oliana had been born blind.
2.
“I just knew.”
I often heard mothers say, “I just knew he was sick. I just knew she was in trouble,” when talking about their children. I even heard it from my own mother. My mom seemed to know everything about me and what I was doing, sometimes before I even knew. I couldn’t get away with anything.
One story my mom loves to tell is from when I was in high school. My friend and I decided to skip school and go to the mall. This was the very first time I had ever thought about cutting class. It was a cold February morning in Iowa, and my friend had just gotten her driver’s license.
“We should skip school and go to the mall in O town today,” she told me as she lathered cream cheese onto her toasted bagel.
“Skip? Really? The mall?” I wasn’t a fan of the mall and preferred the local Goodwill. My friend, Maria, and I had been best friends for a few years. She had a rebellious streak, just like me. We wanted to fit in, yet tended to color just outside the lines. People often called us “weird” because we preferred 90’s grunge fashion and music. Our tiny Iowa country town was years behind in the latest clothing and music trends. We preferred grandpa’s cardigan-stripped sweaters and too-big, ripped corduroy from the local thrift store.
“I want to get my boyfriend a Valentine’s Day card and a gift from Spencer’s. They have the new Nirvana and Soundgarden posters. Besides, it’s not like we have any shopping options here. Where else would I go?” Maria said.
I couldn’t argue with her about that. In the tiny town we lived in, there wasn’t even a Walmart or Target, but O town was 40 minutes away.
“You don’t think we’ll run into someone we know, do you?” I hesitated. The thought of randomly running into my mother at the mall in the middle of a school day made my throat instantly dry. She would ground me for the rest of the school year, maybe for the rest of high school. My mom was lovely, but she had a zero-tolerance policy for rule breaking. If I was one minute past curfew, there were consequences. She didn’t mess around.
“No way,” Maria chirped back at me. “My mom’s at work at the hospital, and I don’t see your mom hitting up the mall in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon. Besides, isn’t she working at her new bank job now?”
“Yeah, she started last week.” Both of my parents were working. I had a better chance of winning the lottery while simultaneously getting struck by lightning than seeing my dad at the mall, but my mom… well, that woman seemed to know my every breath. Even though I knew she was working, she made me nervous.
“Ok. Let’s do it,” I replied. We were driving to a whole different city, and really, what were the chances of getting caught?
Famous. Last. Words.
It turns out, the chances were exactly 100%.
We walked into Spencer’s and were looking at silly gag gifts and laughing at some obscenely inappropriate cards when I looked up and saw… my mom.
My mom just happened to have an urge to go to the mall on a Wednesday afternoon during her workday because she “had a feeling” that I was skipping school. I will repeat that I had NEVER cut class. Never. And I never would again. I didn’t do much for the rest of my sophomore year. I was grounded.
Years later, my mom revealed that she had exaggerated her “Momtuition” just a little. It turns out that what had actually happened was that she had received a call from my school asking her to confirm that I was at a doctor appointment. My friend and I had the brilliant wherewithal to drive to school before first period and turn in “doctor notes” to the office excusing us from class. Why two girls, who were best friends, would have two different doctor appointments on the same day at the same time didn’t seem suspicious to us? Teenagers.
My mom swears that after getting that phone call, she just knew I would be at the mall. Not only that, but she also walked directly to Spencer’s store. I must admit, I’ve always felt that was weird. We could have gone anywhere, so how did she know exactly where I was?
Momtuition, it turns out, it’s a real thing. More than 10 years later, I would discover that for myself. I often heard mothers say, “I just knew he was sick. I just knew she was in trouble,” when talking about their children. I even heard it from my own mother. My mom seemed to know everything about me and what I was doing, sometimes before I even knew. I couldn’t get away with anything.
One story my mom loves to tell is from when I was in high school. My friend and I decided to skip school and go to the mall. This was the very first time I had ever thought about cutting class. It was a cold February morning in Iowa, and my friend had just gotten her driver’s license.
“We should skip school and go to the mall in O town today,” she told me as she lathered cream cheese onto her toasted bagel.
“Skip? Really? The mall?” I wasn’t a fan of the mall and preferred the local Goodwill. My friend, Maria, and I had been best friends for a few years. She had a rebellious streak, just like me. We wanted to fit in, yet tended to color just outside the lines. People often called us “weird” because we preferred 90’s grunge fashion and music. Our tiny Iowa country town was years behind in the latest clothing and music trends. We preferred grandpa’s cardigan-stripped sweaters and too-big, ripped corduroy from the local thrift store.
“I want to get my boyfriend a Valentine’s Day card and a gift from Spencer’s. They have the new Nirvana and Soundgarden posters. Besides, it’s not like we have any shopping options here. Where else would I go?” Maria said.
I couldn’t argue with her about that. In the tiny town we lived in, there wasn’t even a Walmart or Target, but O town was 40 minutes away.
“You don’t think we’ll run into someone we know, do you?” I hesitated. The thought of randomly running into my mother at the mall in the middle of a school day made my throat instantly dry. She would ground me for the rest of the school year, maybe for the rest of high school. My mom was lovely, but she had a zero-tolerance policy for following her rules. If I was one minute past curfew, there were consequences. She didn’t mess around.
“No way,” Maria chirped back at me. “My mom’s at work at the hospital, and I don’t see your mom hitting up the mall in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon. Besides, isn’t she working at her new bank job now?”
“Yeah, she started last week.” Both of my parents were working. I had a better chance of winning the lottery while simultaneously getting struck by lightning than seeing my dad at the mall, but my mom… well, that woman seemed to know my every breath. Even though I knew she was working, she made me nervous.
“Ok. Let’s do it,” I replied. We were driving to a whole different city, and really, what were the chances of getting caught?
Famous. Last. Words.
It turns out, the chances were exactly 100%.
We walked into Spencer’s and were looking at silly gag gifts and laughing at some obscenely inappropriate cards when I looked up and saw… my mom.
My mom just happened to have an urge to go to the mall on a Wednesday afternoon during her workday because she “had a feeling” that I was skipping school. I will repeat that I had NEVER cut class. Never. And I never would again. I didn’t do much for the rest of my sophomore year. I was grounded.
Years later, my mom revealed that she had exaggerated her “Momtuition” just a little. It turns out that what had actually happened was that she had received a call from my school asking her to confirm that I was at a doctor’s appointment. My friend and I had the brilliant idea to drive to school before first period and turn in “doctor notes” to the office excusing us from class. Why two girls, who were best friends, would have two different doctor appointments on the same day at the same time didn’t seem suspicious to us? Teenagers.
My mom swears that after getting that phone call, she just knew I would be at the mall. Not only that, but she also walked directly to Spencer’s store. I must admit, I’ve always felt that was weird. We could have gone anywhere, so how did she know exactly where I was?
Momtuition, it turns out, it’s a real thing. More than 10 years later, I would discover that for myself.
I'm fine, but my mommy has issues! 